


Being the Grown UP

by Casey_K



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drunk Steve, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-10
Updated: 2015-08-24
Packaged: 2018-03-06 22:01:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3149825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casey_K/pseuds/Casey_K
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Danny resolves himself to be the grown up, and make them both see sense. All he has to do is wrestle Steve away from his latest squeeze and sober him up. Uh, yeah, right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enough is Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Had this one kicking around a while and thought it should finally be aired. Will undoubtedly be a few chapters added as time goes on and the inspiration strikes. 
> 
> Not beta'd  
> Don't own the characters. 
> 
> Don't forget to check out my original works - details on my profile. Enjoy :)

Danny is tired of being a grown up. He watches Steve throw his head back in a long, deep laugh, all rough and sexy. Notes the slide of Steve’s hand along the arm of his latest friend, and it burns. Steve McGarrett is a slut. He’s easy as they come and a single drink guarantees he puts out. Danny knows this because he’s been where Steve’s latest catch is sitting, knows the evening ends in sweat rumpled sheets, soft pants, and Steve’s beautiful whimpers as you pound deep into his gloriously tight and well-sculpted ass. But Steve’s moved on from Danny. Been there done that. Danny finds himself in the pile of one-night-stands-never-to-be-revisited. Danny, who has never done casual in his life, who would take a bullet for the son-of-a-bitch who seems intent on breaking what little is left of his heart. 

Steve’s new playmate leans in close and whispers in Steve’s ear and it’s the last straw. Too much. Danny stands abruptly, pushing over his chair, and in a moment he is across the bar. He grabs Steve’s arm. “That’s enough. I’m taking you home.” Steve’s gaze is unfocused and his breath reeks of alcohol, he’s farther gone than Danny realised but he’ll risk the violence rather than have to watch Steve leave with this sleaze bag. 

“You’re interrupting this here, Danno,” Steve says, swaying slightly on his stool. “I have a new friend.”

“Well, playtime is over, Bigboy.” Danny hooks an arm under Steve’s and starts to lift him. “Come on, while you can still walk.”

“I don’t think so.” A heavy hand presses onto Danny’s shoulder and he looks up at Steve’s new buddy. “If anyone is taking him home, it’s me.” The guy is built but Danny knows he could take him if it came to it. He’d take that chance for Steve. Handsome too, if not a little tattered around the edges, but on a different night, in a different life, Danny might have gone for him too.

“Not this time,” Danny says, shaking off the big man paw on his shoulder. “My friend here needs to sleep. He’ll call you.”

But the guy is insistent, pushing at Danny’s very last nerve. “I said, no.”

The air is heavy with tension and the music is suddenly too loud. Danny sighs and straightens for a fight but Steve grabs his arm. “Don’t fight for something you don’t want for yourself, Danno. You don’t have to worry about me.”

“What? What nonsense is coming out of your mouth right now?”

“It’s not like you want this,” Steve says gesturing to himself. “Who would more than once, right? So just let him have me.”

“You are a fucking idiot, McGarrett. Now get your ass outside and in the car before I shoot you.” He looks back at Steve’s friend, too confused by what Steve has said to put too much energy into the glare. “Yes, I carry a gun, so think very carefully about your next move, sweetheart.”

“What are you, his fucking mother?”

“No, I’m his partner. Now back the fuck off.”

The guy’s thunderous look falters. “He…said he was single.”

“Yeah, well, like I said, he’s an idiot.” 

“But I _am_ single,” Steve mumbled as Danny dragged him out of the door. 

“Not any more, cupcake. Hi, I’m Danny Williams, and I’m your new boyfriend. Now get in the car.”

“Boyfriend?” Steve grinned. “I’d like that, Danny.” He stumbled against the door of the Camaro. “You can marry me if you like. That would be even better. Then I wouldn’t have to share you at all anymore.” Steve’s face crumpled into a frown. “I don’t like sharing you, Danno. You were supposed to fall in love with me. I thought…” A heavy sigh shuddered through Steve’s chest as he leaned clumsily against the car. “I thought if I let you fuck me, gave you what you wanted, then we’d be together.” A strange snorted laugh escaped Steve’s throat. “As if, huh?”

“Okay.” Danny wrestled Steve away from the car so he could open the door and shove him inside. “No more talking till you’ve had a barrel of coffee. You are going to feel so stupid in the morning.”

“Feel stupid anyway,” Steve said, flopping into the car. “For thinking someone like you could ever love something like me.”

“Something?” Danny sighed. He closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side. He snorted out a huff and rested his head on the roof of the car for a minute. Surely, they weren’t stupid enough to have been torturing each other for the past two months--Steve seemingly fucking anything that was willing and Danny locking himself away in his shitty apartment--when all they really wanted was each other? Who was he kidding? They had been playing the same game since the first time they met. Danny had thought they’d gotten over it when they finally fell into bed, but when that hadn’t worked, he thought Steve had decided the shine had worn off Danny’s sparkle now he was no longer unattainable. No longer a conquest. Just old news. Well, Danny was over the games, even if he wasn’t over Steve-stupid-McGarrett. No more. He was going to take control, and he was going to make this happen. Whether McGarrett wanted it or not. 

 

After much pushing and shoving, Danny manoeuvred Steve into the apartment and watched him slump over the pull-out. He’d considered going to Steve’s house, but the thought of negotiating Steve upstairs and into bed was too much, especially when Steve’s bed had been the scene of their previous encounter. Danny’s pants tightened at the memory. It had been…it had been fucking amazing, and Danny thought they would start a thing. A real thing, with dates, and sleepovers, and cuddling on the sofa. But Steve had got up the next morning and made Danny breakfast and gone back to how it was when Danny crashed on his sofa because he’d had too many beers to drive. No touching, no kisses, no hint that anything even remotely stupendous had happened between the sheets. Danny had packed away his crushed little heart and tried to get on with life as usual. 

Danny looked at Steve, face planted into the pillow, and wondered if he should get him to the bathroom to piss. Couldn’t hurt. He hauled Steve to his feet. “Come on buddy, you need to piss so we don’t wake up swimming.”

“Love you so much, Danno,” Steve slurred into Danny’s shoulder. “You take care of me. Wish you loved me back.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s breakfast talk. Just help me out with the walking here.”

They fumbled their way to the bathroom and Danny propped Steve in front of him, letting him rest back against his chest as he reached around to undo his pants. He pulled out Steve’s flaccid cock—no way he’d get it up in the state he was in—pulled it a few times for good measure, and aimed into the bowl. “Off you go, buddy.”

Nothing. Steve shuddered. “You gonna fuck me over the toilet? That’s a bit…odd. You kinky, Danny?” Steve chuckled, and tried to turn and kiss Danny’s cheek.

“No fucking.” Danny held him firmly, and facing forward. “You are supposed to be pissing, Steven. Aim and shoot. You know the drill.”

“Oh,” Steve’s voice was sad and small. “Thought it was too good to be true.”

“Damn it all to hell,” Danny cursed as Steve missed the bowl and pissed over Danny’s shoe. He took control of Steve’s cock and averted further disaster. “The things we do for love,” he mumbled to himself. 

“I’d do anything for you,” Steve said, gripping Danny’s arm as he swayed. He gained a moment’s clarity and looked around. “Where are we?” Before Danny could answer, Steve’s knees buckled and Danny caught him as he headed for the floor. 

“Steve? Aw, come on, buddy. You’re going to make me carry you back to bed aren’t you? Damn and fucking blast it.” Danny hooked his arms under Steve’s and dragged him back through to the bed. He stripped him down to his boxers, tucked his cock away with a little pat—it was a beautiful cock even in its current sorry state—and threw a blanket over him. 

Danny thought about climbing into bed next to him, but thought that would be too weird so sat in the chair. He kicked off his shoes, figuring he’d clean them and the bathroom floor in the morning, and settled in for an uncomfortable night. Uncomfortable, but accompanied with more hope then he’d felt in a very long time. He sighed, but there was a dreamy edge to it and he smiled to himself. Steve loved him. Real, I want to marry you and have your babies, loved him. There was no way Danny was going to let him take that back. Sure, Steve would try to pretend nothing had happened again, but this time Danny was prepared. Once Steve recovered, they were going to have a serious conversation about serious stuff, and after that they were going to go on a real date—no drunken excuses, no releasing work tensions—a real, flowers and candles date. Then they were going to go on another one. And maybe even a third one. If they were still in the realms of pretending nothing was going on after that, then Danny would let Steve get on with his life and try not to pine away his remaining years for what could have been. It was a plan Danny could live with, and one he knew couldn’t fail after hearing Steve’s drunken confessions. Life was definitely on the up.


	2. Chapter 2

It was the pinch in Danny’s neck that woke him. That, and the silence after the deep rumbling snores of a drunken Steve throughout the night. Sunlight streamed, bright and angry through the window onto the empty pullout and Danny’s heart sank. Surely, the fucker hadn’t escaped before Danny could confront him? 

A noise from the bathroom calmed Danny’s rising panic and erratically thudding pulse. Facing Steve down in the apartment was going to be bad enough, to have to chase him down outside would probably have been a step too far. 

Danny waited, and waited. Bile rose in his throat and his stomach growled but he couldn’t risk stepping through to the kitchen just in case Steve took the opportunity to bolt for the door. 

After another ten minutes of no Steve, Danny made his way over to the bathroom and knocked on the door. “You okay in there?” He heard muffled swearing, and the tap turn on and off. 

“I’ll be out soon, just…give me a sec.”

“Do you want coffee?”

The door opened quickly, making Danny jump back. Steve looked awful. Amazingly gorgeous, but definitely hung over to the nth degree. “I just want to go home.”

“Steve, we need to—“

“No, we don’t need to talk.” Steve stepped out of the bathroom fully dressed, boots and all. “I’ll catch a cab.” Steve brushed passed Danny, just swept him aside as he had the last time and Danny’s heart broke a little more.

“What? No. You aren’t running out on me.”

Steve spun around, all fire and brimstone. “You had no right, Danny. No right interfering, no right bringing me here. What the hell were you thinking?”

“But last night you said—“

“Last night, I was drunk, do you understand me? I don’t know what the hell I was saying. How did you even get me to leave with you anyway? I was with someone else. Don’t you get that?”

Danny really wanted to punch the stupid fucker’s face in. This was not how it was supposed to go at all. “No, I don’t get that. I don’t understand why you’ve been ignoring me, or pretending we didn’t have a night of great sex. I don’t know what I’m supposed to have done wrong, Steven, and it’s killing me. I just need…”

“What?” Steve was pacing. He looked like a caged tiger at the zoo. “How did you think this was going to go, Danny? You highjack my date and drag me here when I'm in no condition to object.”

“Not like this, that’s for damn sure.” All of Danny’s plans were heading down the drain along with his hopes, and what little was left of his strength. 

“What is it you need from me to let go and move on?”

“Move on?” Danny flopped into the chair. “You can’t mean that. Last night you said you loved me, you said you wanted me to love you. I don’t understand where this aggression is coming from.”

“I can’t do that…” Steve sounded desperate, no, exasperated.” I can’t…” he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. “Not with you, Danno.” He stopped pacing and looked straight at Danny, meeting his gaze with sad, puppy dog eyes. He looked so lost and afraid, much as Danny was feeling, and Danny just wanted to go to him and wrap him up in a hug, tell him it didn’t need to be this way, but he found himself rooted to the chair. 

“I don’t understand,” was all Danny could come up with. 

Steve sighed with a long drawn out shudder. “Fine, I’ll stay for coffee, and we’ll talk.”

“You’re going to walk out of the door as soon as I go into the kitchen, aren’t you?”

Steve huffed but didn’t answer. He didn't need to, it was written all over his face and ehcoed in his stance.

“Fine, I’ll play along so you don’t have to walk out on me face to face, but before you go, I need you to know one thing…”

Steve stilled and gave Danny his full attention. 

“I love you, or at least I’d like to, but you need to let me.” Silence…but no movement towards the door so Danny continued. “It’s been killing me, these last few weeks, seeing you sleeping your way across the island. I’d never had a one-night-stand until you, and I didn’t realise that was all you wanted. If I had, I wouldn’t have gone to bed with you in the first place.” Steve dropped his gaze to the floor. “I wanted…I thought we had something here. And today…I just wanted us to try.”

Steve shuffled his feet over the rug. “Try what?” He didn’t look up, his voice barely more than a whisper.

The room was suddenly stuffy, the walls closing in, and the heat rising. Danny struggled to keep his composure. This was his shot. He had to play it cool, but determined. Danny shrugged, though Steve didn’t see it. “I imagined us laughing about last night and agreeing to start over. I thought we would go on a couple of dates; see if we couldn’t get our shit together.” Danny’s heart raced as he waited for Steve’s response. Time seemed to slow to a standstill and Danny watched the dust motes in the streams of sunlight as he tried to settle his nerves. His cards were on the table, it was McGarrett’s turn. 

“What’s the point, Danny?” Steve said, finally looking up at him. “I know the outcome. You’ll realise I’m a mess, that I can’t be fixed, and you’ll walk. I’m saving us both the trouble.” 

“What if I don’t walk? What if I _want_ the trouble? I put up with your crap every day at work and I’m still here.”

“I can’t take that chance.”

“Steven, please.” Danny stood, and chanced a step towards him. Steve startled but he didn’t move away. “Don’t give up on me just yet.”

“You don’t get it, Danny. If we don’t try, I’ll always have that chance that it could have worked.” 

“I…what?”

“If we do this and it falls apart, and you will leave me sooner or later, then I’ve got nothing left. Nothing. At least as we are, when the walls close in I can still wonder about it…about us…whether we would have made it.”

Danny stared at Steve. “I have no response to that.” He knew the guy was fucked in the head but this was ridiculous. “It is, without doubt, the most fucked up logic I have ever heard.” 

There was a ghost of a smile on Steve’s face. “Thank you.” He rocked back on his heels. “Danny, I’m going to leave now.”

“No, you’re not.” 

Steve narrowed his eyes and gave Danny his laser beam stare but Danny stood his ground. A definite no Danny would have learned to live with. An admission there was hope, and Steve’s ass backward attempt at reasoning away the point of giving it a go, was enough to give Danny the strength to hold on. So hold on he would, like a Pit-bull, until there was no life left in the fledgling thing they were dancing around. 

“If you think I’m going to let you get away with that cockeyed excuse for…I don’t even know what,” confidence flooded back into Danny with each word, “then you don’t know me at all.”

“Look, I know this is difficult for you to understand…”

“No, _you_ don’t understand what I’m saying. You are not leaving.” Danny stepped in close. “We can take this as slow as you like, but I’m taking you home to get changed and then we are going out. Together. On a date.”

“It’s not going to happen, Danny.” Steve reached out and stroked Danny’s cheek. “I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Do you love me?”

“What?”

“Do you love me? As a friend, a partner, a lover, whatever…do you have any feelings for me, at all?”

Steve looked suitably shocked. “Of course I do, Danno. You know I do.”

“Then give me this one day to prove to you we can work.” Danny remembered his plan from the previous night. “On second thoughts, give me three dates, that’s all I ask. If you are still adamant after that, I’ll leave you alone.”

Steve sighed. “And you won’t pester me, or kidnap me from bars?”

“I promise. But if you care about me at all, at least give me this.”

Steve straightened up and folded his arms across his chest. He was full of knuckle-headed determination and Danny wanted to punch him…again. “Okay, you have three dates. If you even make it that far. My money is on you cancelling after two.”

“If you’re actively going to sabotage it, there’s no point. If you care anything about me, you’ll put in the effort and work with me. I want your full cooperation on this.”

“You have it. But don’t expect me to pretend it’s all perfect and rosy if it isn’t.”

“Okay then. We have a deal we can both work with. Will you wait while I get washed and changed?”

Steve finally smiled. “I’ll make the coffee.” He chuckled at the doubtful look on Danny’s face. “I really will stay. I gave my word. Full cooperation.”

Danny breathed for what felt like the first time that morning. He wasn’t quite as far along as he’d hoped to be, but at least things were moving in the right direction. He headed for the bathroom feeling wired and overly tense. He turned on the shower, but he couldn’t help himself, he stepped back out of the bathroom and checked to make sure Steve was in the kitchen. 

“I’m still here, Danno. Get a move on, I’m starting to stink up the place.”

“That’s because you pissed all over yourself, last night. And me. And the bathroom. But hey,” Danny winked at the horrified look on Steve’s face, “I’m still here, still wanting you.” He left Steve with that thought and turned back towards the bathroom with a smug grin on his face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short one...to keep up the momentum :P

“Will you relax?” Danny looked over at the very rare sight of Steve in the passenger seat of the Camaro. He’d wanted to drive—of course—but there was no way Danny would have let him. After the amount of alcohol Steve sank last night, he’d be over the limit for at least the rest of the day and maybe even tomorrow morning as well. Steve pursed his lips, pointedly ignored Danny and stared out of the window. 

They were only ten minutes out from Steve’s house. He was clean, back in his familiar cargo pants, and the mix of aftershave, shower gel, and Steve’s own delicious muskiness was intoxicating. But he was wound so tight he looked fit to explode at the first loud noise. Danny reached over to stroke Steve’s knee and he jumped almost a foot. “What is wrong with you?” Danny said, keeping his hand where it was and watching Steve squirm. 

“I just…it’s too soon, okay.”

“Too soon? You were ready to hand your ass to a stranger last night but I can’t touch your knee?”

Steve shot a death stare at Danny. “That’s…none of your damned business. You never said anything about judging me in this crazy little dreamland plan of yours.”

Danny pulled over the car. “You’re right. I’m sorry for taking a cheap shot at you.”

“Why have you stopped, we aren’t anywhere, yet.” Steve was as far away from Danny as the Camaro would allow, all squished up by the door and Danny couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Out of the car.”

“What? Why?” Steve’s shoulders slumped. “Are you giving up already and making me walk home?”

Danny sighed. The man was certifiably insane and he was pretty sure he was too for going through with ‘Operation McGarrett’, but he had a lot riding on this working out. Like his entire life’s happiness. He got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side. He opened Steve’s door. “I said, get out.” Steve stared at him. “Full cooperation, McGarrett. Out of the car.”

Steve released his seat belt, grumbling under his breath, and stepped out of the car. “Now what?”

Danny grabbed him by his polo shirt and slammed him against the Camaro, pressing the full length of his body against Steve’s tall, gloriously hard frame. _Fuck_ , Danny had forgotten how good this felt.

“What the hell, Danny? You said we’d go slow.”

Oh, the irony of having to take it slow with Steve 'I'm anyone's' McGarrett. But Danny could rein it in, would rein it in...shortly. “We will. After I remind you what we’re fighting for here.” And without further warning, he pulled Steve down into a rough, heated kiss. He poured everything into it, the frustration, the lust, the passion, the jealousy he’d felt at seeing Steve with someone else, and Steve whimpered, actually full on whimpered. The tension drained out of his body and he melted against Danny, his body moving into alignment, and they slotted together like perfectly matched puzzle pieces. Danny gentled the kiss, taking his time to wrap it up with patience, love, and tenderness, before pulling away and resting his forehead against Steve’s shoulder. 

They were both silent for a few moments, letting their breathing settle, and Danny was relieved that the tension didn’t reassert itself in Steve’s body. “That’s what I need from you,” Danny said quietly. “That’s what I’ll _always_ need from you.” Danny searched out Steve’s gaze. “I’m not walking away from that without a fight.” 

Steve was silent, but he nuzzled into Danny’s neck and pressed his lips against Danny’s skin. 

“So, from now on,” Danny ran his fingers over Steve’s hair, “we are going to play pretend.”

“Danny, I said I wasn’t—“

“Here me out, please.” Steve nodded, so Danny continued. “We are going to put all the nervous tension behind us and pretend like this is already a thing. We aren’t trying to prove anything to each other, no need to impress. I want the real you, unabridged, and you’ll get the same from me. Deal?”

“You want me to pretend it’s working?”

“No, I want you to pretend like you aren’t determined to see this fail, like I’m never going to leave, that there is no way anything you do is going to make me walk away. I want you to be yourself just as you are every day we work together. That’s the Steve I want to spend this time with. Not some nervous Nerris terrified of opening his mouth. Got it?”

“Fine, okay.”

“And if you want to reach out and touch, you do it.” Danny grinned. “And if you want to kiss me, or ravage me, you can do that too. Just pretend I’m already yours, for good.”

A slow, uncertain smile unfolded over Steve’s face. “Ravage you? I thought we were taking it slow?”

“We’ve already done the deed, Steven, there’s no need to be bashful on my account. I’d rather you followed your heart. I want you to experience what it would be like if this was the real thing I want it to be.” Danny’s heart skipped a little dance as Steve reached in to press their lips together. It was sweet and teasing, and Danny wished they were on their way _to_ Steve’s house rather than away from it. 

“It’s okay you saying that, Danny, but I don’t think you appreciate just how often I want to reach out and touch.” Steve caressed the side of Danny’s face. “Or kiss.” He kissed the end of Danny’s nose. “Or ravage you.” His hand slipped over Danny’s ass cheek and squeezed. “We’d never leave the house.”

“I can work with that.” Danny’s voice was rough and throaty.

“And if I want from you, what you’ve already had from me?” Steve kissed a line over Danny’s neck to his ear and Danny’s knees wobbled. “Because I do you know, have dreamed of pushing you down, and fucking you into the mattress from the day we met. What then?”

“That could be arranged,” Danny spluttered. “I want that too. A lot.” And then they were kissing again, hot and frenzied, with teeth and tongue and Steve rutting their hips together…until a car drove past and honked its horn, it’s occupants cheering out of the window, and they remembered where they were—parked on the edge of the Pali Highway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to those who know Hawaii really well. I am aware that Steve's house isn't within 10 minutes of the Pali Highway ;)


	4. Chapter 4

“This is nice.” Steve reached across the table and squeezed Danny’s hand. 

“You don’t think it’s too much?” It was a posh restaurant. Danny hadn’t intended their first _official_ date to be so formal but after making out like teenagers for much of the morning it somehow seemed appropriate. For one crazy minute. And now Danny was nervous he was over playing it. 

“Danny,” Steve didn’t even try to hide his smile, “you need to stop worrying. I’m here. We’re doing this. I am not going to flee the scene every time you turn your back.”

“I know.” He didn’t, but it sounded good. He looked out over the valley and wished he could appreciate the view. The concierge had kindly placed them on a very exclusive terrace after Danny had apologised for not having a reservation—what with it all being a bit spontaneous. Steve had taken that moment to snake his hand around Danny’s waist and the concierge had melted on the spot, finding them the most romantic table and cooing over them every five minutes. It was great, but it wasn’t helping Danny’s nerves. Steve thinking it was nice, didn’t help. It wasn’t supposed to be nice, it was supposed to be stupendous. 

“You have to try this.” Steve held up a forkful of his desert and Danny opened his mouth. 

The chocolaty concoction dissolved on Danny’s tongue and he groaned involuntarily, closing his eyes to appreciate the sweet heavenly place his taste buds had arrived at. “Good, lord, that stuff should be illegal.” He looked at Steve when he didn’t get a response, and his mouth dropped open. Steve had frozen, spoon still hovering, eyes wide, pupils blown, and Danny felt heat pool deep in his belly. “Is uh, is everything okay?” His own voice was throaty and rough. 

Steve blinked a few times and lowered the spoon, seeming to get his head back together. “You can’t make sounds like that in public, Danny. Not unless you want me to throw you over the table and fuck you in front of these lovely people.”

“You would do that?”

“You would want me to?”

They stared at each other. 

“Is there anything else I can get you?” They both startled at the sound of their waitress, neither having been aware of her approach. 

“Bill,” Steve said without looking away from Danny. “We have somewhere else to be.”

 

OoOoOoOoO

 

Steve slammed Danny against the wall and kicked his front door shut before diving back in for another scorching kiss. It had been difficult keeping their hands of each other on the drive back and Danny was sure they’d broken a half dozen laws related to reckless driving. He whimpered as Steve pushed his leg between Danny’s, grabbed his hands and pinned them to the wall each side of his head. 

“I thought you wanted to take it slow,” Danny squeaked, as Steve feasted on his neck.

“Fuck slow, I need you, now. I’ve waited too long.”

“Shit.” Danny struggled against Steve’s grip as he ground their hips together. “It’ll all be over for me if you don’t get on with it.”

Steve stepped back suddenly and Danny nearly fell over. “Get upstairs.” Steve’s tone rumbled through Danny like shock waves turning his spine to jelly. “I want you naked by the time you hit the bed. Move.”

Danny nearly tripped over himself in his hurry to get upstairs, pulling off his clothes on the way. He’d no sooner hit the bed than Steve was on him, flipping him on to his back and grinding over him. In a brief moment of clarity Danny managed to hold a hand to Steve’s chest. “You remember what I said to you?”

“Not really.” Steve kissed him again, but Danny managed to free himself. 

“If I’d known you were only interested in a one-night-stand I wouldn’t have slept with you at all.”

Steve rested back on his heels, looming over Danny. “Are you saying you don’t want this?”

“I’m just saying…just reminding you…this is a big thing for me. I don’t do casual, Steve. I want this, I want you.” Danny took a deep breath. “Please, don’t break me.”

Steve thought for a moment, stroked his softening cock. “Then we take it slow.”

“No…I don’t want to stop.”

“And that’s why I have to. For now.”

Anger flared in Danny’s gut. “Damn it, Steven. You give it to everyone else, why can’t you give it to me?”

Steve stepped off the bed. “I…because this, you, it means something to me too, Danny. You’re not just some random fuck, okay.” He paced and stopped. “I…you don’t do casual. I _only_ do casual. I don’t know how to do anything else and this right here…this terrifies me, okay.”

“Then don’t fuck me.”

Steve threw his arms in the air. “You just said you wanted me to.”

“Don’t _fuck_ me, Steven. Make love to me. Show me you mean it.”

“I can’t. I don’t know how.” And Steve was out of the room before Danny could stop him.

_Fuck._ Danny flopped back against the bed and huffed. Why the hell hadn’t he just let Steve get on with it in his own way? It wasn’t as though Steve could really break him anymore than their current situation already had. It would have been worth the risk just to have the memory to recall on cold lonely nights when his best efforts had fallen apart. It was stupid. He was stupid, to think he could tame the mighty Steve McGarrett and turn him into any kind of domesticated creature. Danny pulled himself to the edge of the bed, swung his legs around to sit and scoured the room for his boxers. Steve was right, it wasn’t going to work. They were too different, wanted different things, needed different things to function. Danny just wished his heart didn’t feel so crushed. He spotted his underwear, reached out and slipped back into them before sitting back on the edge of the bed. 

“I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.” 

Danny didn’t look up. He couldn’t. Steve’s voice alone had made his eyes prick with traitor tears. “There’s only one thing I need you to be, Steven.”

“Some romantic prince charming who’ll shower you with kisses and make love to you long into the night. It’s not me.”

“No, Steve, that’s not it at all. I’m sorry you didn’t understand what I was saying.” Danny could sense Steve’s discomfort, his fidgeting in the doorway. He could also sense Steve’s deep desire to scrub out what had just happened and make everything better, but how did they do that?

“Tell me again.” Steve took a step into the room but hovered still a few feet away. “You said you wouldn’t write me off straight away, so prove it. Tell me what it is you need me to be, Danny. What’s this magic button I need to have that you seem to think will make you stay through anything and everything?”

This time, Danny looked up to meet Steve’s intense stare. “I just need you to be mine.”


	5. Chapter 5

_“Tell me again.” Steve took a step into the room but hovered still a few feet away. “You said you wouldn’t write me off straight away, so prove it. Tell me what it is you need me to be, Danny. What’s this magic button I need to have that you seem to think will make you stay through anything and everything?”_

 _This time, Danny looked up to meet Steve’s intense stare. “I just need you to be mine.”_

 

Steve slipped to his knees in front of Danny, placed his hands either side of Danny’s thighs on the bed and pressed their foreheads together. They stayed that way for what seemed to Danny an age, both of them barely breathing. A deeper, half breath, half sob rumbled through Danny’s chest and Steve moved in closer, kissed Danny’s temple, nuzzled into his neck and pressed a kiss behind his ear. “I’ve been yours from that very first moment in the garage, Danny, will always be yours. I just…” He sighed, heavy and troubled, the weight of the world dragging down every breath. “Everyone leaves. Not by choice, always. If I let you in, if I knew how to let you in and then one day you were gone…” Steve shook his head. “I wouldn’t survive it, not losing you. You’re there for me, you’re always there for me, the only one…”

“Then let me be there for this too. Let me help you.”

“I don’t know how.” Steve trembled against Danny’s shoulder and Danny was sure his skin was damp from Steve’s tears. He wrapped his arms around Steve and just held him until the shaking stopped. 

“Come on,” Danny said, and scooted back on to the bed patting the space next to him. Steve crawled next to him and Danny wrapped an arm around his waist and threw a leg over Steve’s thigh. He stroked gently circles over Steve’s lower back imagining the lines of Steve’s ink under his fingertips. Steve nestled in closer and Danny smiled against his shoulder. “See, you’re doing it already. This is intimacy. This is being with someone, being someone’s. You know how, and you’re good at it.”

“Don’t give up on me, Danny.”

“Never going to happen. I just need you to make sure I don’t give up on myself.”

Steve straightened to face him. “What do you mean?”

He was so close Danny could only see part of his face, an eye, part of his nose. It made him want to smile but he needed to stay focused. “Sometimes, much of the time, I feel that I’m not good enough, or rather just not enough…that the good parts aren’t enough…and that’s why you…can’t…you know.”

“No, I don’t know. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.” Steve rolled on top of Danny and pinned his arms above his head. “It’s the other way around. You’re too much, more than I deserve, more than I know what to do with and I don’t…you shouldn’t be wasted on me.”

“Too late. You’ve already removed the packaging. There isn’t a returns policy.”

A smile quirked the corner of Steve’s mouth. Tentative, but it was there. He rocked over Danny’s hips and they groaned together. As Danny’s cock hardened it rode the ridge of Steve’s ass—Steve’s still naked ass—and it was too much. He tried to free his hands from Steve’s grip so he could get out of his boxers but Steve just chuckled. “You’re mine now, Danny. No returns policy, remember.” And he dove in for a bruising kiss, all tongue and clashing teeth before drawing back to nip and suck along Danny’s jawline and back to his mouth. Steve’s hands slipped off Danny’s wrists and into his hands, entwining their fingers and Danny held on. He held on to the hope they would make it after all, to the potential of a happy ever after, and to the hot hands kneading him into the mattress. This was what he wanted, what he needed. Steve whispered Danny’s name over and over between kisses and licks, rambled on about how perfect, how sexy he was, until Danny though he might come from the words alone. 

Steve adjusted their position, placed both Danny’s hands in one of his and riffled through the bedside cabinet, coming back with lube. He pushed Danny’s boxers down until Danny could kick them the rest of the way off and settled between Danny’s thighs, spreading them with a firm hand. 

Danny’s breathing was coming hard and fast, and Steve peppered a trail of blazing kisses over his chest and abdomen. A slow lick over the head of Danny’s cock had him bucking off the bed and Steve chuckled before sucking him in, hot and wet with plenty of tongue, and popping off just as quickly. 

The snick of the lube cap and slick fingers caressed Danny’s hole, circling and pressing in. “Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god,” he mumbled, as Steve’s fingers slipped past the tight ring of muscle into Danny’s body. 

Steve paused and Danny opened his eyes to see Steve staring down at him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I…” Steve huffed, fingers knuckle deep in Danny’s ass. “Danny, have you done this before?”

Danny thunked his head back against the pillow. Would he ever catch a break? Of all the moments to choose to have the previous experience conversation, and from Mr. I’ve-screwed-everything-in-a-fifty-mile-radius. “You’re seriously asking me that with your fingers up my ass?”

“I need to know. I assumed you had, but you’re…unbelievably tight.”

“Couldn’t you think maybe it’s just been a while?”

“Has it?” Steve pulled out his fingers, released Danny’s hands and pulled him to sit. He sat his ass between Danny’s legs and wrapped his own legs over Danny’s, wriggling as close as possible before holding a hand over Danny’s cheek. “I need to know if this is your first time, Danny. I want to look after you, care for you. You said you didn’t want me to just fuck, so, you need to be honest with me. I want to do this differently with you, and that means not ploughing ahead just because you’re willing.”

“Fine, I’ve never bottomed before.” The heat of humiliation burned Danny’s cheeks.

“And you weren’t going to tell me.” He said it as a statement, the disappointment hanging around him. 

“Yeah, well, what with your commitment freak out going on, I thought it was probably the last thing you wanted to hear.”

“But you’ve been with guys before. I wasn’t your first.”

Danny started to pull away. Sitting naked, and desperate for someone’s touch wasn’t the best time for this kind of conversation, but Steve held on to him, kissed his hands in a gesture Danny figured was to settle the blushing virgin. “Don’t panic. I wasn’t a total virgin when we hooked up.”

“Can you not get all defensive on me when I’m trying to do the right thing here? You want commitment, you want me to be yours, but you’re just getting snarky with me. I told you I don’t know how to do this.”

Panic started to creep up from Danny’s gut. Steve was going to bolt again and he didn’t know how to stop it. “I’m sorry,” he blurted. “I’m just… You’re right, maybe we should dial this back a bit. You aren’t going anywhere, I’m not going anywhere, there’s no need for me to hold on so tight.”

Steve smiled. “Think of it as my training,” he said. “It’ll be nice to get to know what you like step by step, building slowly,” he stroked firm hands over Danny’s arms and shoulders, “rather than just winging it.” 

Danny moved into the touch, the warmth and pressure form Steve’s hands starting the build of desire all over again. “Is that what you usually do, wing it?”

“The only goal was getting off. No need to prolong the inevitable. I’ve always been a get in-get out guy, but however scary it seems, I want more with you, Danno.” A light gasp escaped Danny’s lips as Steve pressed him into a kiss. So impossibly close. So beautifully tender. “I already love you, Danno,” Steve whispered. “You’ve already achieved the impossible. Everything else is a bonus from here on in.” 

“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, Steve. You’re not the only one dancing around the edge of something difficult.”

Soft kisses over Danny’s face and neck, peppered with words and Danny started to drift. “I mean it.” Steve moved back over him, laying Danny back against the bed, grinding their hips together. “You know I do. That’s why you hijacked me from the bar, that’s why you forced me to go out with you, because you know, you’ve always known. We belong together. We just need to keep reminding each other of that.” 

“Steve, please…” 

"It's okay, Danny, I've got you." Steve slipped down Danny’s body, trailing tongue and teeth until he suctioned himself once more over Danny’s cock. This time he didn’t stop. The drawn out tensions of the day and the previous night caught up with him, and in what seemed like a heartbeat Danny was coming, the orgasm spiking through his body in a slow bleed of relief. It wasn’t enough, but it was a start. The strong arms that held him close—those were perfect, steady and enduring—and for the first time in weeks Danny relaxed and let go, letting sleep take him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More soon...


	6. Chapter 6

It was dark when Danny woke. A slow drift into consciousness, aware of the heat and weight of a body pressed behind him, the cool sea breeze from the window, and the hint of fragrance from the flowers in Steve’s garden. _Steve’s garden._ Which meant Danny had finally made it back to Steve’s bed. He moved involuntarily into the light nuzzling at his neck. “Hey, sleepy head,” Steve crooned. “I’ve been waiting for you.” Steve pressed his hard cock against Danny’s butt cheek and Danny shuddered. He’d never wanted a cock so badly in his life. This particular cock, attached to one Steven J. McGarrett, seemed to be available to anyone who wanted it—except Danny. For Danny it always remained just out of reach. He sighed heavily and Steve stopped kissing Danny’s shoulder. _Shit._

“Don’t stop,” he whispered. “I just might have to use the bathroom before it goes much further.”

Steve chuckled and Danny relaxed. Would it always be this stressful? Would he always be terrified of doing or saying the wrong thing?

“Stop thinking, Danny.” Steve continued to rut against him. “You’ve had your eyes closed for more than five minutes and I’m still here.”

“It’s your bed. Of course you’re still here.”

“And so are you. In my bed. Still here. Still on our first date.” Steve ran his tongue over Danny’s earlobe and nibbled. “I think you ought to hurry up and go to the bathroom so you can get back here and finish what we started a few hours ago.”

Danny twisted in Steve’s arms and devoured Steve’s mouth. Steve wanting him, wanting Danny instead of some random stranger was the sexiest thing—period. The noises coming from Steve, the feel of him needy and wanting had Danny hard and aching in record time. Steve pulled Danny on top of him and let his legs fall apart. “Do it Danny, make love to me. Show me how.” Steve made an obscene noise in the back of his throat and Danny thought he’d come just from the sound. “Nobody has before,” Steve said. “You’re my first too, Danny.” Steve met Danny’s confused look. “No one has ever bothered to make love to me, has never wanted to. It’s just you. It’s always just you.”

Danny thought he would cry from the sadness he could see in Steve’s eyes. It spurred him on and with tender strokes and agonisingly slow thrusts, Danny made slow, passionate love, keeping focus with Steve, touching, caressing, until Steve started to plead and beg for Danny to finish them both, grabbing desperately at Danny’s shoulders, his legs wrapped tightly around Danny’s hips, his back arching off the bed… Danny propped himself on one arm and took Steve’s cock in his hand. With a couple of firm strokes, Steve bucked and came hard. The extra pressure around Danny’s cock made him lose his rhythm, thrust wildly and uncoordinated, riding Steve through his climax and coming himself, deep inside Steve’s body. 

They stilled together, both panting, Steve still holding on for dear life. “It’s okay,” Danny whispered, kissing Steve’s shoulder. “It’s okay, I got you.” Steve buried his face into the crook of Danny’s shoulder and cried. Danny knew it was about much more than what they’d just done, was probably about lifetimes of hurt Danny could only imagine. He prised Steve’s legs from around him and settled next to Steve, pulling him in tight, and wrapping his arms around him. “I’ll always be here, God willing…you just have to let me.” 

“You can’t promise that, Danny.”

“I said God willing. As long as I’m breathing, I’ll be right here. I can promise that.”

“Be careful what you promise. I will hold you to it.”

“You won’t have to. As I said before, all I need is for you to be mine.” There was something brewing between them, Danny could feel it. It was good and strong but there was an edge of something, a little danger maybe that prickled and smarted, tainting the glow. What was Danny really promising, and what had he asked for in return? Steve settled against him, breathing easing back to normal and Danny relaxed into the new intimacy between them. This was what he wanted, what he’d craved from that first touch all those months ago. He stroked his hand through Steve’s hair. “I love you, Steven. Nothing will change that.”

“I hope you’re right, Danny, because we will both be in serious trouble if you’re not.”

Danny left the words hanging in the air around them and kissed Steve’s forehead. There was an edge of desperation to them but Danny didn’t miss the veiled threat within and he realised that had been what Steve was trying to tell him…about not wanting to risk it, not wanting to take a chance on what they had for what they could be. But what Steve hadn’t banked on was Danny’s capacity to adapt for the ones he loved. That, and his ability to know exactly what he was getting into. Steve had baggage and was damaged goods, but Danny wasn’t a pristine flower either. He’d seen more heartache than he cared to recall, and although he’d never compare it to Steve’s experiences, it had left him with a deep inner strength to persevere and get what he wanted. Steve lying naked next to him was proof enough of that. So, all Steve needed to do was put one foot in front of the other and keep his pants on for everyone but Danny, and Danny would do the rest.


	7. Chapter 7

A good long shower fixed so many things. Danny let his head rest against the coolness of the tiles and the spray wash over him. It was tantamount to the day he was having that he could feel so edgy despite where he found himself, yet again. The ‘yet again’ was the good part—he was in Steve’s shower having just left Steve’s bed. The part that needed fixing—in Danny’s mind at least—was that this was day three of the Steven/Danny marathon and Steve was still refusing to pop Danny’s cherry. Despite all his hard work, and a pretty magnificent couple of days hanging out, making out, and getting off, Danny still felt like a frustrated virgin at a sex party. 

And Steve was cheating. 

He was adamant that, even though they’d spent all weekend together since Danny had hijacked Steve at the bar, gone to work together that morning, and come back to Steve’s for food and sex, they were still only on the first date. On account of the fact there had been no time when they’d had to say goodbye. 

Steve said he didn’t pop cherries on first dates. 

It was not up for discussion. 

Danny was pissed. 

It wasn’t even as though Danny could really complain. He was fucking Steve. He was getting to suck Steve’s cock. Steve was sucking Danny’s cock. They were touching again, and laughing again, and everything—everything but the cherry popping predicament—was really, really, good. 

The bathroom door creaked, the shower curtain rustled, and a moment later Steve wrapped himself over Danny’s back. “You’re wasting all the hot water. I remember us having a discussion a long while back about the benefits of keeping it short.”

“Well, excuse me if I have the same thoughts about that now as I did the first time you brought it up.” Danny pressed back against Steve. “And besides, you wouldn’t be rutting up against me like some horn dog if I’d taken your advice, now, would you?” 

“Good point. Maybe we can overlook it just this once.” 

Steve’s length was thickening again—pretty impressive really given they hadn’t long fucked—and as he moved against Danny, the head of his cock parted Danny’s cheeks and nudged insistently against his hole. Danny kept his breath steady, not wanting to spook Steve, and angled his hips to give Steve better access. Maybe Danny could trick Steve into slipping right on in there without even realising. 

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Steve said, kissing over Danny’s shoulders. “I’m not going to fuck you in the shower for your first time.”

Something pinged in Danny’s chest. “And why the hell not?” He pushed Steve away from him, turned off the shower, and stepped out of the tub. “Why the hell are you making such a big, fucking deal about it? I just want it done already. Why can’t you just do this one damned thing for me?”

Danny didn’t even register Steve move until they crashed to the bathroom floor, his arms pinned beneath him and Steve covering his body. Damn SuperNinjaSEAL reflexes. “This what you want, Danny, huh?” Steve’s weight was bruising against the hard floor. “You want me to treat you like some piece of trash and just take what I want? I won’t do it.” He leapt away from Danny, leaving him relieved and bereft at the same time. “Why are _you_ making such a big deal about it? That’s what I’d like to know.”

Danny got to his feet, hiding the discomfort in his arms and knees from the tackle, and brushed himself down. “Are you done?” He turned to grab a towel from the rail and started to wrap it around his waist before turning back to the door. 

“Danny, wait,” Steve spluttered. 

Danny ignored him, grabbed another towel and threw it at Steve. “Don’t even attempt to give me some line about how it’s only because you love me. I’ve been a cop long enough to recognise the warning signs of domestic violence and I will not tolerate it. Period.”

“What happened to never leaving?” Steve snapped. 

“Who said I’d leave?” Danny waited for Steve to wrap the towel around him and then held out his hand. “Come on. We are going to talk. But you should know, you start getting rough with me and I will fight back. You need to think about whether that’s a road you want to go down.” 

Steve took Danny’s hand sheepishly. “I was just trying to prove a point,” he mumbled. “It’s not as though I’d actually hurt you just because you pissed me off.”

“Well, that’s good to know.” Danny made his way through to the bedroom and sat them both on the edge of the bed. His heart was still pounding, and he felt trembly and weak all over. It was unsettling just how quick Steve could move when he wanted to. But more than that, Danny hadn’t missed the rush of adrenaline and how good that slither of danger had felt. Too good. Which was why they needed to talk. He didn’t even know what about, but whatever it was that had just happened, it had to stop right now. Danny knew a slippery slope when he saw one and other phrases like ‘nipping it in the bud’ and ‘getting a handle on it’ steamed around his brain making him feel dizzy. 

“You should be angry with me, it was unacceptable,” Steve said, stroking Danny’s hand. “Did I hurt you?”

“Just my pride.”

“It wasn’t my intention.”

“What was your intention, then?” _Other than frightening the life out of me and awakening kinks I didn’t know I had._

“I’m not sure I had one. I just…it happened…because you shouted and I was stressed. Things have been good haven’t they? We’ve been doing what you said, what you wanted, and then all of sudden it wasn’t good enough.” Steve shrugged. He looked as though he was going to say something else but nothing came out and he shrugged again. 

“Things are good. I’m sorry I shouted but you’re not the only one who gets stressed. We are both going to get stressed and angry and annoyed with each other and it’s likely to happen more than we’d like. Maybe we should think about a plan of action for when that happens.”

“So I don’t turn into some kind of monster who beats you up, you mean?”

“No…and yes.” Danny huffed. “I’m not even sure what we need to do, or say. You keep saying you don’t know how to do this, but I don’t either.” Danny looked at his hands, couldn’t look at Steve, couldn’t meet the intense stare penetrating through his skin. “I messed up with Rachel. And although I’m kind of relieved about that now,” he met Steve’s gaze for that one, “because it means we can have this.” He smiled, and Steve reciprocated, and squeezed his hand. “At the time, it was…bad, and I think, well, after so many years going over it in my head, I’m sure it’s because I ignored stuff like this. Little things that became habit, and then became big things that tear you apart.” His words ran out and he stared at his hands again. 

“It’s okay, Danny. We’ll find a way through. And if this is really it, non-negotiable-neither-of-us-is-ever-leaving, then we shouldn’t let things slide. Ever.” He slipped an arm around Danny’s waist. “I’m not a talker. Not about things that matter. But I’ll try. For you.”

Danny nodded. He tried not to let too much excitement or anticipation bubble up at the idea of non-negotiable. Even if it were true, it was too soon to take it for granted. “So, I would appreciate if when you choose to make a point, it doesn’t involve some kind of ninja-stealth pinning action that’s going to rattle my sensibilities.” He leaned in to Steve’s side and rested his head on his shoulder. “Though I have to say being pinned by you was…more…arousing than I think it probably should have been. Given the circumstances.”

A small chuckled rumbled through Steve’s body. “Is that so? Maybe that’s something we can talk about in the future.” He nuzzled into Danny’s neck. “The very near future.”

“Oh, it will be.” Danny leaned his head back to give Steve better access and moaned at the rasp of stubble over his throat. That was something he never had with Rachel. It sent sparks through his body jolting his cock, reminding his system they’d started something in the shower. 

It was a slow, sensual slide into a horizontal position, losing towels on the way, nipping and stroking, and oh, so many wonderful things that Danny didn’t fully register what was happening until the slight burn and stretch registered, the new feeling of fullness choking him up as he welcomed—finally—Steve’s cock into his body. Steve taking his time, waiting for Danny to adjust with each inch, until he could increase the pace, building a fine sheen of sweat and the concentration on Steve’s face—Danny thought his heart would break from the sweetness he saw there, the need to please, to be for someone else. Heat pooled in his gut, new sensations flooded his body and it was too much. He reached for his cock, hoping to pinch the orgasm, make it wait, but the touch of his hand tipped the balance and he was coming, clamping around Steve’s cock and pushing him on through his climax until he couldn’t take anymore. He realised Steve had stilled, his face flushed form his own release and Danny couldn’t stop the bubble of laughter that spilled out of him into the air, mixing with the panting and heavy breathing. 

“What?” Steve rested his head against Danny’s shoulder. 

“Nothing. And everything. Great. You’re great, this is…” he kissed Steve’s temple. “Perfect. This is perfect.” 

“You are.” Steve settled at his side. “Though I think we need another shower.”

“I can live with that.” 

They kissed, slow and sloppy. “I meant what I said.” Steve’s concentration knotted his brow. “I’d never hurt you. Physically. Any way on purpose, but definitely not physically.”

“I know. It just needed to be said. Just in case one small thing leads to regular small things and then we realise it’s a big unwieldy thing we don’t know what to do with.”

Steve nodded. Kissed him again, and closed his eyes. A moment later, his face slackened in sleep and Danny let his own eyes drift close to meet Steve in his dreams. 


End file.
